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jumper
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latest comments are at the top. (our responses to comments follow.) Steve B., Largo, I think the next jumper will be my wife. I am sure she will not be able to stand me any longer by then. I have tried many methods to drive her away but none have worked yet. I plan to step up my efforts in the next few months (I hope this will not disqualify me, as I plan to be in another town on this date as an alibi.) If you have any suggestions that may help me, please feel free to respond, for I feel that if my efforts are not succesful I may have to jump myself. (this would not make her the winner if I chose that date would it?) (yes, she would be qualified to win if you jump, as long as she guesses right.) Eric, this is the sickest thing i have ever seen. i love it! i drive from venice to st. pete to work every day. i'll e-mail you the next time i see the firetrucks/cops/blue light boats and choppers. (thanks, fill out the news form.) Dave K., Strongsville, Oh.Plop, Plop, Fizz, Fizz, Oh what a Y2K relief it is! Steve Z., Clermont Fla, Holiday jumper...'tis the season to take the plunge!! Surely you are depressed because no one cares about your worthless life..and there are no presents for you!! C'mon..go ahead and JUMP!!! GRACIE, CLEARWATER BEACH, FL., HOW CAN SOMETHING SO SICK BE SO FUNNY? GUESS I'M REALLY BLONDE, HAD TO HIT THAT BUTTON JUST TO SEE IF IT WAS FOR REAL & HAD TO FILL EVERYTHING IN AGAIN! THANKSGIVING, CHRISTMAS & FULL MOONS ARE THE MOST POPULAR TIMES TO DO YOURSELF IN, ACCORDING TO HISTORY. (we want to party with gracie.) Jeff, Bradenton, FL
SDNihm, Palm Harbor, If you do be sure to look to the left. It's a once in a lifetime view. Sorry, but I already don't miss you. Next time take a friend, enemy or a cat along with you. You are probablly that annoying alpha type who always cuts in and out of traffic without a signal, and has no patience or sence anyway. Oh yeah, take your cursed cell phone with you. Leave the R.V. on the bridge at noon rush or a little after to really make us remerber you. Bub-by Bubba! Bob Jaeger, Clearwater, FL., Some Bubba look alike loser, tired of not getting laid and depressed about the holidays will cram his head up his ass by jumping. (we'd pay to see that.) Fred H., St. Petersburg, Fla., The time I am referring to is 12 midnight, Dec. 31, 1999, the last hour of 1999. NOT 12 noon on the 31st of Dec. The reason will be that they can't handle being a person in the year 2000 and that they want to remain in the 1900's when they were born, they want to die. There may be multiple jumpers between 11 PM and 12 midnight. (the lines form on both directions of the bridge. if you need help, 'jumper helpers' will be on hand to keep the lines moving.) Phil M., Lutz, FL., I'm tired of all the depressing stories that cause a suicide. We need a "Hey! Is that $20 I see floating on the water?" type of jump. (some hick from pinellas park would jump in for a floating 'bud light'.) Allan, Safety Harbor, We need a "Jumper Cam" with live feed so we can watch vehicle traffic, ships entering and departing Tampa Bay, and of course, the occasional swan dive. Maybe a lighted score board with the total successful leaps of fate. (there will probably be some sort of netting or barrier erected one of these days to thwart jumpers. we predict this barrier will cause a jumper to get injured and the resulting lawsuit will cost the taxpayers a fortune. hmmm, now that we think about it, perhaps a scary injury could get us on easy street in short order. ok, never mind the above comment, it's our idea and we want the money. you go back to your life and get your own lawsuit scam together.) Garry, Tampa, I now realize why the News Paper Headlines read "Suicide is a National Threat." Just imagine tooling along in your 21 foot boat and this 300 pound Jackass jumps from the bridge crashing thru the bottom, sinking your boat. Jan C., Tampa, FL., I'm keeping my fingers crossed for it to be my ex. (perhaps there should be an "express jumping lane". get it? express?) Doug H.,St. Pete, Fl., disgrutled Devil Ray season ticket holder will jump, knocking Rita Garvey off the back of a large manatee, spilling a large quantity of "Old Style" into the water. The horror, the horror!!! (we think we will move on to the next comment.) Stella, St. Pete, Fl., What's with all the a.m. jumpers?? Is killing yourself the better alternative to going to work?? (Yeah right, stupid question!) (perhaps the drive to work is just too much. maybe jumpers jump merely to escape the traffic from then on.) Bob L., Lakeland, I'll be anchored at Egmont with my binocs in one hand and a frosty cold one in the other. (better be quick, jumpers only have 3.5 seconds of free fall air time.) Russ J., Sarnia, Ontario, Canada, sick, sick, sick - so sick I'm sending my paranoid colleagues the link to this page. Love it! (thanks. perhaps we need to start the "guess which kennedy achieves room temperature next" pool.) debbie, Brooksville, Fla., I don,t like that bridge (but debbie, the bridge likes you.) Joe, Ruskin, Fl., Do to his rocky marriage and job that he can't stand he decides to end it all feeling the world has deserted him. Stopping his car at the top going southbound he gets out stands on the rail and salutes this cruel cruel world plunges headlong to his big SPLASH. Judges give him a 9.5 (and the crowd roars.) John, St Pete, After a thorough reading of the rules, I can find no prohibition against tossing my ex-girlfriend off the Skyway. What do I get if (when) I win? (the very nature of suicide is to 'take one's own life'. for you to chuck your ex over the edge, as much as you feel she deserves it, just does not qualify as a suicide. so no, you would not win, sorry.) Shirley, St. Pete., He will be a 30 something petty criminal who likes to steal ladies underwear from laundromats and make lewd remarks to bus drivers. Due to his stupidity, obnoxious personality and wretched upbringing he has no friends. Getting fired from his job as a used-bait salesman is more than he can bear....over the edge he goes.....SPLATTOOO!!!! Luckily for the taxpayers he lands on the rocks. Easier to clean up that way. (shirley you jest. we have always wanted to say that. it appears shirley knows this person. perhaps a neighbor. perhaps a co-worker. perhaps a future ex-hubby.) Jon, Sarasota, The female will jump on valentines day. Check for the box of chocolates floating near by. Empty just like her broken heart. sniff! sniff! choke back the tears. (you are wrong. she won't eat the chocolates, too many calories. "does jumping off the bridge make my ass look big?") Garry, Tampa, This time of year the recovery should be more difficult with the wind, however, the bodies should last longer as the water will be colder. (at least the bodies won't be like those human icebergs as seen in 'titanic'.) Pete, Bradenton, This is pretty sad...but this stuff does happen. Depression sucks! (hey, they are not holding a gun to their own heads. there are several easier ways to end it.) Darrell, Riverview, FL., This is totaly distasteful!!! What do I get if I win? Steve, Carmel, Indiana, The guy will be overcome about Christmas bills plus the fact his wife is sleeping with an unemployed neighbor. We all look forward to the relief that death brings! (xmas is enough to make us want to jump. we won't because we know the water is too cold at that time of the year.) Betty, St. Pete., Reason being for the time chosen is the after-holiday-blues. Some people feel let down after the holidays. And maybe with a new year ahead the person may feel why bother with a whole new year and go thru the whole process again.
(new years day is the first day of the rest of the year.
get it? first day of the rest of the year? first day of the rest of your life? it's a pun.
we made a funny pun. we are so damn funny.) John, Dunedin, Please don't jump during weekend daytime hours ... those of us passing under the Skyway would be quite upset if you landed on our boat, thereby ruining a day at Shell Island. (always look up before passing under a bridge. perhaps a "falling person zone" sign is in order.) Paul, Belleair, This one's due for a heavy fall due to the turkey and pound cake. I was thinking the night before, but...nah! No, the jumper is going to think, okay so I'll see if things improve tommorrow (being thanksgiving), but dealing with the family will push him over the edge. It might be a nice touch if he turns the car around and points it into the oncoming traffic, before he jumps. I should think it'll be doing 60mph or so if he just lets it roll! Aim for the
bluehairs! (innocent bystander involvement is a new concept. "jumper vehicle demolition derby") MIKE, TAMPA, IF THEY HIT THE ROCKS MAYBE WE CAN HAVE A SPLATTER PATTERN CATAGORRRY! OR HOW ABOUT IF THEY BECOME CHUM FOR SOME VORACIOUSLY HUNGRY SCHOOL OF CARNIVEROUS CREATURES. Mojo, Old Tampa, The jumper will be a Gen-Xr, still living at home, who sneaks downstairs
whilst everyone's asleep, carefully unwraps gifts under the tree.
He finds a flat pkg with his name on it, unwraps it to reveal a mysterious
45 rpm record labeled "pmuj". He plays it backwards looking for masked,
cryptic messages. He hears the message "I buried Dave!" It
turns out to be Van Halen's "Jump!" He does...deliberately avoiding
the water and the boats...a true rocker to the very end. (we
are honored to have the foremost chronic caller in modern radio talk show
history, visit our web site. mojo is a John, Brandon, Some lame a.. is gonna be down and out because of the crappy gifts he receives. Guess they get to scratch him off next years list, and the rocks beneath the bridge. (you can say 'ass' here.) Steve, Dunedin, Using the Skyway for an alternative form of capital punishment is deserving of more discussion. This could be a real source of State income, we could import death row participants from other State and have a variation of the extreme games. Awards can be given for form, originality and accuracy. (it's good ideas such as this one that end up going to waste. it seems we can't be cruel and unusual to the cruel and unusual death row inmates, as they have too many 'do gooders' on their side. a 'do gooder' is a person that has not yet been touched by violent crime. as soon as they are personally involved in a loss by some scum cretin, they come around to a more sensible position and want all those deserving death to die die die, as they should.) john, st. pete., A bizarre attempt to perform an arcane celtic rite, concerning joining the sky & water will backfire. No-one will claim responsibility. An amulet will be left on the bridge, but 70% chance the first investigator will pocket it. Larry, New Port Richey, I think more people should jump, it's getting crowded here. New Yorkers need to go first. (we best not comment about new yorkers. ok, we do have a quick joke. q- why are new yorkers so sad? a- because the light at the end of the tunnel is new jersey. thank-you, we'll be here all week. please tip your waitress. one more, you ask? ok, a baby seal walks into a club. thank-you, goodnight everyone.) Saimir, Palm Harbor, It will be some seriously depressed, 12-stepper postal employee who just got a divorce, got fired, and didn`t have the guts to go on a killing spree like his colleagues. (a "postal employee goes postal" pool is an idea that needs further exploration. how about "the next school yard shooting spree" pool or "the next poor white trailer trash death in the name of god" pool or "the guess the day some moron leaves the kid in the hot car" pool or "the guess the day the next clinton concubine reveals to the world how he exposed himself to her in a hotel" pool? well, not in the hotel pool, oh, you know what we mean.) Jeff, New Tampa, It is an esteemed honor to be able to participate in this event. My prognosticating prowess, should I win, would be the envy of all my friends, relatives, and colleagues. (hey listen, buddy, this is a family friendly site. as long as we are webmaster around here, we will not tolerate words such as "prognosticating", "prowess", and "colleagues". you take your 50¢ words back to the big city, we have no room for them here in tampaville.) Scott, St. Pete., hey what do i win if i guess the jumper hits a car..i mean sometimes cars go off into the drink..wouldnt it be something if a jumper hit a car...[no i am not on medication] (scott, if a jumper hits a car, you will win a car! how's that! you can't deny that we here at the 'jumperpool' are eager and ready to please our valuable patrons.) Garry, Zephyrhills, I still like the idea of a platform with cameras to catch the action. The tapes could then be sold to recoup the cost of body recovery. (cameras placed at different angles would catch the wacky action from all points. lately, it seems, blooper tapes are hot items. "jumps, splats, and practical jumping jokes", only $19.95 plus tax and shipping. order yours today! call 1-800-dumb-ass.) Ron, Sarasota, I worked on the Skyway Bridge for four years and I never imagined that I would someday participate In a pool such as this. I used to wonder if I should feel guilty when someone jumped, because I helped build it. It didn't take me long to realize that, HELL NO, it's not my fault these people want to choose this method of killing themselves. (no, you have given jumpers a glorious final out. besides, the thing looks awesome. you should feel good about working on the bridge, well, unless you are somehow responsible for the cracks and other faulty bridge problems.) Richard, Bradenton, I think there is something very wrong with people who jump off the highest bridge spanning Tampa Bay and hit the rocks instead of the water!!!! (that is why a platform is needed or at least a sign telling these boneheads where the middle of the bridge is. perhaps the jumpers assume that since it's a bridge, there is only water under it. after all, why would there be anything else?) Lauri, Midwest City, OK., Nicholas, Dunedin, The jumper will be wearing overalls with a bright red tu tu and will have corned beef and cabbage for his last meal. He will have also filled out and sent in the application to date my daughter and received a rejection notice which caused him to fall into an inescapable spiral of depression.
(but did he jump after seeing your daughter? after all, we are talking dunedin here.) Palbert, Tampa, Mark (larsen) is so dreamy, he makes me moist! (Palbert is: male female.) Garry, Zephyrhills, If a person decides to end it all, that is ok with me. However I wish there was someway to recover the cost to taxpayers for search and recovery. It is not cheap. Maybe set up cameras and sell the video clips? Maybe the State could sue the estate of the departed? (we don't think it costs anything extra. we are paying those guys the same pay whether they are pulling bloated jumpers out of the water or they are playing cards around the station house table. the fuel they use in the boats is the same fuel they would use tooling up and down the coast just doing regular patrol. chasing after jumpers keeps the rescue guys sharp and with it. now when a real emergency comes up, they are ready to save your ass.) Fred, Sarasota, If lyoiur Goihg to go lkyoiu might as well go all the way. Hit the rocks Joc (we'll take 'spell checker' for $200, alex.) Dave, Largo, One thing I've noticed in the long history of Skyway Jumpers.They always seem to do it when it will most inconvience the rest of us. Especally if they lose their nerve and just sit up there on the rail for four hours without jumping.Totally shuts down the bridge traffic. Having sat in one of those backups before.By the end of the second hour, I was willing to push the SOB off myself , just so we could move. (we think it's pretty unanimous, dave from largo is now the official "skyway bridge jumper helper". if you take longer to jump then it takes for dave to get to you, then he will gladly help you over the side. the pay's not that great, but for dave, the knowledge that he is helping others get somewhere faster, more than makes up for it. his shiny new badge is pretty cool too.) Miles, Tampa, I predict the jumper will be a 59 year old white male. I'll be wearing a red swim suit and flippers.. If I dont get a prize, I'll be jumping on the date and time indicated. (miles is miffed he didn't win a prize for being the first jumperpool winner. we promise you, miles, if we had a prize to give, we would.) greg, st petersburg, we need a 24 hour full color/surround sound link to the bridge so we can observe LIVE the antics of the jumpers. (maybe someone could invest in a webcam setup. then we could sit on our ass all day waiting to see if a blur zips by.) Cherie, Pinellas Park, Put up a net to stop them from jumping my ass, let them go. (true, all a net would do is cause someone to have to fetch him out. he could even hurt himself. then there would be counseling, hospital stays, lawyers, and that wacky 'suicide watch' thing. then, after he gets 'well', he could go to jail. too many expenses. the poor slob's life was almost over, but no, we drag him back and really throw his life into turbo screw.) Julie, Clearwater, Frisco may have the Golden Gate, but we have the Skyway. If they want to jump, they will find a way no matter how much fencing or nets they put up. Let 'em sail! (a lighted parking area would be nice. maybe a platform, a "last words" book, an express lane, and valet service.) thane, Tampa, These guys are hitting the rocks when they get down there. OUCH. You would probably die if you hit the water anyhow, so I guess the "recovery" of the idiot who jumps is easier if you Louganis yourself into the rocks. You know, not every city has such a great fatal attraction as the Skyway. Another game to play would be the celebrity death watch. My pick is Milton Bearle and\or Liz Taylor. What's yours? (there are many death pools now. here are a few.) Tamara, Tampa, I think the jumper will be wearing a 1970's vintage leisure suit with platform shoes and a polyester shirt. Of course, this entire episode in radio contest history is disgusting which is why we like it and why we are enthusiastic participants in it. Incidently, that scum sucking parasitic Lassiter is evil and should be destroyed. (another closet lassiter lover. we got into a bit of e-mail war with her about it. she seems to be a miserable person. bob brings that out in some people.) Randy, Largo, Skyway jumpers play a vital role in the process of 'natural selection'. They help to strengthen the gene pool (especially the ones who jump and hit the rocks, can you say loser!). (at least the bodies that hit the rocks are easier to find.) James, Bradenton, I think it is an absolute horror that you can exploit these poor souls in this shocking manner. This is total barbarism, and borders on the hedonistic. You all should be really, really, really, ashamed! By the way, what do I win? (this comment started out like we thought many would, only to turn out to be a joke.) Michael, St Petersburg, How do we know some dummy won't rig this thing. I mean, some smart guy could put his guess in, and then wait until the time he guessed and jump off the skyway himself. He would win and we'd all be standing around going "awww...man, I never win nothin'..." (this comment prompted the rule: You will be automatically disqualified if you are the jumper on the guess you provide. thank you, Michael in St. Petersburg) John, Lakeland, Put a ramp up so they can take their car with them. (the "take the car with them" thing has been suggested by several guessers. a good idea, were it no big deal to have a car drop down on your ship or small boat. you see, a body slamming into your ship might even go unnoticed until you unload in mexico, but a buick might cause a more serious problem.) Brian, St. Pete, I believe the Skyway bridge is more effective than Old Smokey. We could line all the death row inmates up there and have them jump at once. Any survivors can go for seconds. (we are not in favor of the electric chair. it's inefficient. we prefer the electric bleachers.) mickey, largo, woman, distraut over father's day, being shuned by father, ends it all on the bridge... microwaves cat before leaving for bridge. (yeah, cats suck.) steve, tampa, how does it sound when a body hits the water at a high rate of speed and from the height of the skyway bridge? hmmm..... (but if a body slaps the water and no one is around to hear it, does it really make a sound?) |
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